The HouseFucker

The Hausmeister of Tarforst cannot smile or laugh. His ancient face would break.

The Hausmeister of Tarforst does not have children at home because when they were birthed they flew away on leathery wings.

The Hausmeister of Tarforst is made of slime and scales and mutilated puppy dog tails.

The Hausmeister of Tarforst hates happiness. It angers him.

The Hausmeister of Tarforst crawled from the depths of another dimension, if you stare directly into his eyes you can see the deep, emptiness of Zero.

The Hausmeister of Tarforst was born at the age of 65 from someone's mutilated penis and sea foam.

The Hausmeister of Tarforst cannot eat sugar, anything sweet with rot his miserable head.

The Hausmeister of Tarforst is mostly cyborg. He had his feeling removed many eons ago.

The Hausmeister of Tarforst once got drunk and tried to beat his wife, but he fell down the stairs instead. That's why his head is so soft.

The Hausmeister of Tarforst wears those flannet long sleeve shirts because his torso is burned from the sun. He cannot stand the sun.

The Hausmeister of Tarforst causes the constant rain in Trier. He wants to spread despair and disease in his miserable wake.


The Hausmeister of Tarforst will one day die and when his tainted spirit reaches it's destination he will topple the dark master of that realm. From his black throne he will lash together a machine of bone and blood and, fueled by his hatred of college students, this fear engine will bore a hole between this one and that one. When it begins we will hear the sound of children screaming - as if from a great distance. A smoking orb of nothing will grow above your bed and from it will emerge a thousand starving crows. As he slips through the widening maw in his new form the Trier will catch only a moment of his radiance before it is incinerated. Then, as tears of bubbling pitch stream down his face, his dark work will begin.

He will open one of his six mouths and sing the song that ends the Earth.